If you know me, you know that I’m really good at getting excited about an idea, planning, starting it and then letting it go dark. Hence, my hiatus since Labor Day. I’m learning that living with ADHD means this behavior is pretty common and is usually followed by complete paralysis and inaction on the very thing I was excited about 3 minutes ago. And the more time that passes without acting, the further I drift away from the possibility of taking any action ever again. However, I started this newsletter in the hopes of exercising that “activation” muscle and just DOING THE DAMN THING - be it writing, a bake sale, movement, or my laundry.
What’s been saving me.
September is historically one of my favorite months, but this one was a doozy! New school germs! Bronchitis! Existential dread (!) now that I *actually* have time to myself for the first time in years. But there was still plenty of light - my son now knows how to draw a smiley face and loves pretending to be a robot. We walk to school almost every day. There’s lots of sunshine (even if means dealing with terrifyingly unseasonal heat) and we had some good rains. My sister visited and we picked apples and laughed a lot. Tomatoes are still coming in along with the most breathtaking, grapefruit-sized zinnias in my garden that stop me in my tracks every time I see them.
One thing that has saved my life in the past month are morning walks, especially the ones in the forest preserve by my house. I try to walk the trails there at least once a week but am reaching for more. Because my caseload at my internship has not quite reached capacity yet, I have a lot more time on my hands than I anticipated. And if you know me, you know that I am someone who loves to do both EVERYTHING and nothing, all at once. See ADHD disclaimer above. So, when my schedule started to open up and I could actually do things like morning walks, without the pressure to hurry home to do something “productive”, I started to feel that knot in my chest and a quiet voice that would tell me, taking time in the woods is too luxurious. You should be doing something more “useful”. Why do you get to enjoy this? This is not new to me or anyone struggling to live a more whole and human life within a severely capitalist system and the last several years have been a practice in turning the volume down on that voice and finding a better way. Tricia Hersey’s work has been extremely influential to this practice. But nonetheless, in times like these where I choose to pare down my obligations, it bubbles up to the surface, reminding me that “if it doesn’t hurt it doesn’t count”. In other words, this voice is telling me if my life is not filled with everything I could possibly pack into it then I must be doing it wrong. And that is not something I would say to anyone in real life. So I’m working on not saying it to myself either.
The reason why I love the woods so much, even if it’s cliché, is that there really is something to be said about “getting back to nature” and hiking along rivers and trees and birds and sweet little turtles sunning on a log living their best lives. When I’m there I am reminded of the fact that we are animals, just “a bunch of primates in suits” as Alie Ward mused in her podcast Ologies (which I’ve been also making more time for). I remind myself that my “job” at the end of the day, really, is to be the purest expression of who I am and what’s important to me. I look at the river and watch how it swells with the rain, rising up the banks, taking up as much space as she needs and giving zero fucks, moving at her own pace…all the while nourishing the land and the creatures that support and are supported by her. What if I lived the same way? What if we all did?
So this season, I’m hoping to practice being ok with doing less while doing more of what’s important to me, namely connection with myself and others. But I suppose that’s everyone’s goal, no?
Speaking of what’s important to me - I hope to make more tasty treats for you this month, something that truly fills me up.
Now for the goodies!
This month I’ll be focusing primarily on PIE. I’m super excited about the apple (featuring apples picked by yours truly…and a 4-year-old).
No clunky order form this time - just email me at mayfairbakerchi@gmail.com with your order and your preferred pick up date and time. I’ll email to confirm my availability and payment instructions. My schedule typically allows for pick ups on any day except Wednesdays and Thursdays but I will confirm when you order.
I may be able to take on a few custom orders if time allows. If you have something else other than pie in mind, like cake or treats for halloween-y festivities, email me to see if we can work something out!
💛Rose
Thanks for reading! Please feel free to share this with anyone who might like reading random posts by a cottage baker/therapist-in-training in Chicago.